Tips for making the most of Christmas after separation

Navigating Christmas after Separation

While Christmas is meant to be a happy time of the year, this is not always the case for separated parents. The festive season can bring additional challenges for the co-parenting relationship as both parents will want to spend this precious time with their children. Below are some tips that may help separated parents share in the magic.

Have clear and agreed plans

Nobody wants Christmas ruined by parental conflict and it is important for children to know in advance what their Christmas will look like. For these reasons, The Dispute Resolution Space recommends having plans agreed well in advance of Christmas day. 

For some, agreements can be reached by contacting the other parent and negotiating directly.  However, many families view Family Dispute Resolution as a more desirable option because parties get help from a neutral mediator in a safe environment where conflict is effectively managed.  

There is also the option of going to Court and obtaining legally enforceable  Orders.  However, for most people, this is considered the last resort because of the stress, cost and delay associated with the Court process.  At any rate, Family Dispute Resolution is a mandatory step that must be taken before parties are usually permitted to proceed to Court.  

Be flexible

At The Dispute Resolution Space, our mediators encourage parties to come up with their own arrangements for the Christmas period. There are no hard and fast rules dictating how children should spend their time, and mediation provides the space for parents to be creative and come up with plans that suit the specific needs of their own unique family.

There are so many different types of arrangements that may work, depending on the circumstances. In the case of young children, many parents want to witness the magic of watching excited children wake to discover Santa has delivered presents.   At the Dispute Resolution Space, we encourage parents to brainstorm ways they can both witness the Santa magic – is the co-parenting relationship such that they can observe the unwrapping of presents together? Or is it best for parents to have Christmas morning with the children on alternative years? Or should Santa make deliveries at two different houses?

For older children, alternating Christmas day each year between the parents may be the fairest option. However, if Christmas is more important to one side of the family, perhaps an agreement can be reached where one parent always has Christmas day with the children, while the other parent takes the children away on a relaxing holiday after the Christmas chaos is over.

Culture is also important. For some parents, Christmas may be celebrated on Christmas Eve.  Alternatively, Boxing Day or New Years Eve may be more important.

Consider other special events

There are many events over the Christmas period. There may be religious celebrations to attend. Children may have events on at School, such as Christmas concerts and plays. It is important to think early about what these events will look like and talk to your children about the agreements reached. It is important for children to know beforehand whether one or both parents will attend. If it’s the latter situation, the children should be given details about what this will look like – will both parents be standing together or apart? Will either parent be bringing someone else? Having this information beforehand, will help children feel less stressed and more able to enjoy the celebrations they deserve.

Planning early through mediation is important particularly as the events are likely to require a departure from the normal parenting arrangements. Flexibility is key, and the mediators at The Dispute Resolution Space can help parents negotiate and document agreements.

Think about gifts 

Christmas gifts can often be a source of conflict between separated parents. Parents may have different budgets, which may leave one parent feeling inadequate and the "least favourite” parent.  Poor communication between parents can mean children end up with duplicate gifts.

Mediation can provide the opportunity for parents to share their feelings about this and come up with creative solutions. It provides a safe process to have a conversation about expectations, budget and how to divide up a child’s Christmas list.

Focus on making new memories

Despite the additional challenges, Christmas can provide the opportunity for separated parents to do something different and better with the children. A new house may mean a parent can decorate the house differently. It may also present an opportunity for the Elf on the Shelf to make his first appearance!

With thoughtful planning and cooperation, separated parents can ensure that Christmas remains a magical time for their children, fostering lasting memories and a strong sense of family connection.