Navigating the Return to School: Tips for a Smooth Transition after Seperation

Preparing for the School Year

Getting children ready for the return to school is never an easy task. The summer break is long, and the start of the school year brings uncertainty around new teachers, classes, friends and schedules.  

If this is the first school term for your child since your separation, there are even more unknowns, and it can feel stressful.  You may have a number of questions about your role, and that of your co-parent, including: 

• Who will pay for the stationary, textbooks, uniforms, school fees and before/after school care fees?
• Do both parents attend the parent-teacher interviews together or separately?
• How do you ensure that both parents receive relevant notices and reports?
• How will handovers work on school days?
• How can you and your co-parent consistently support your child’s academic needs and well-being?
• What is the process for changing schools? 

To properly manage the issues that come with a new school year, it is important for co-parents to ensure that communication is as clear and effective as possible.  In some cases, an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) or Court Order may put limits on how a parent is to communicate.   However, in other situations, there may be more flexibility with how communication can occur.   

Communication with your co-parent 

The demands and expectations of school are always changing, and there will be frequent occasions where you may need to get a message to your co-parent.  

There will be days when your child needs regular school uniform, and days when your child needs sport uniform.  There will be days to bring in library bags, musical instruments and completed homework.  There will also be a whole lot of changes to the routine brought about by excursions, mufti days, book parades, special assemblies and open classrooms.   Missing these events or forgetting items can be stressful for children.  

Every family is different, and it is important for you to find the communication method that works for your particular circumstances.  Some parents are amicable, speak regularly and can be trusted to pass on important scheduling information to their co-parent.  However, this is not the situation for everyone.  If your relationship with your co-parent has been marked by trauma, safety concerns and/or mistrust, you may need a different method of communication that has well-defined boundaries, stipulating when, how and what information is to be shared.  

Parenting Apps are becoming increasingly popular among separated parents. They are a great tool to reduce conflict and ensure that all the organisation for school is in a single place.  There are several Parenting Apps on the market, with different features such shared calendars, secure messaging, expense tracking, document storage and the transcription and recording of phone calls. 

Communication with the school

It is important to let the school know you are separated and are co-parenting your child.  This will allow the school to support your child and implement appropriate procedures.  The school may ask for details, such as whether there are consent orders, and whether you and your co-parent get along. 

An open conversation with the school has many benefits.  The school can monitor your child’s well-being and link them in with a counsellor or other support services if they believe your child is struggling.  It will also provide important context for the school if there are any behavioural concerns with your child.  The school can also arrange for separate meetings if you are unable to attend parent-teacher interviews with your co-parent. 

You should also clarify how you want to receive communication from the school.  Will the school communicate with one parent only, with the expectation that the parent will take the lead and pass the information on?  Or should both parents receive all information directly from the school?  

There are several different platforms that a school can use to communicate with parents, to deliver information such as fee statements, permission slips, newsletters and progress reports.  If you want to remain involved on all schooling matters, it is important that you to let the school know early to avoid the risk of missing out on important information. 

Communication with the school community

You will find that several communication groups are likely to be set up around your child’s schooling and interests.  For example, there may be a Facebook page for the school year.  There may also be a class WhatsApp group to send reminders to parents about school events, and another for communicating around chess club.  If communication is difficult with your co-parent, you may consider ensuring your name is added to these communication channels, so that you receive all relevant information directly from the source.

Communication with your child 

Young children generally want parents to take an active interest in their schooling.  While it is important to keep your child out of any tricky conversations about school (such as which parent will pay the for the school fees or uniforms), asking your child questions about their day and about what they enjoy or dislike can help you provide the right support. 

It can mean a lot to a child if both you and your co-parent attend the same school events (even if you are not standing together) or if you both help them on the same school project (even if at different houses).  A simple thing such as encouraging your child to take homework to each household, allowing them to read chapters to both you and your co-parent from the same book, can be powerful in showing your child that you are on the same page as their co-parent when it comes to wanting them to be happy at school.    

Conclusion

We understand that communication can be difficult and some topics may be hard to raise with your co-parent.  January /February is a great time to reach out for Family Dispute Resolution (mediation) if you would like the assistance of a Mediator as a neutral third party to help you explore issues and put together a parenting plan to ensure your child’s school experience is as seamless and positive as possible.